Friday, October 2, 2009

A few more weeks in the interim zone.

"Travel is like love: It cracks you open, and so pushes you over all the walls and low horizons that habits and defensiveness set up." -Pico Iyer

This morning I woke up at 8am, which was too early, so I lulled myself back to sleep in the semi-darkness and marshmallowy foam of my bed. Knowing that I was expecting a call at about 10-11AM from Germany -John, the psychologist who’s apartment I am assuming once he returns to Minnesota, I wanted to be mentally prepared and non-groggy when he called. However, I couldn’t pull myself out of bed. So I got a glass of water and went back to sleep.

At 11AM he called. I’d been awake awhile trying to figure out where the missing five square feet went in the footage calculation for my basement. This required about one hour of contemplation. Finally, I realized, it was the porch! Upstairs. Not in the basement. That’s it. What a relief to find those missing five square feet.

So then I was ready to start the day. The phone rang. He said, “It sounds like you have a little cold.” Damn, I didn’t cover up the morning voice. How do I say I have become the biggest lazy ass in the last three days, spending most of my time in bed or reading, plowing through two books and onto my third?

We had a simple talk, where he told me a little of what he'd done in Germany- walks to the coffee shop and art fairs nearby. I decided I’d take his place regardless of the outcome of a recent idea- which was to offer the single physician assistant, Ying, from Houston to live with me.

I’d been thinking about how I’d rather not live alone. I was commiserating with my mom. Who is wise. Always. (Though our relationship is not perfect, it is good.) She mentioned Ying. I thought it was a great idea. I said, “I’ve lived with an Asian person before and it was great!” Ha, ha. Just had to laugh a little. I've offered it up and either way, I feel good about the apartment.

This afternoon, I’ve been wandering around Hawthorne street. To the bookshop and the little gift shops. Taking pictures. Thinking. Telling people I’m moving to Germany in two weeks. Or so. It’s only been in the last two days that I’ve really started to think. It’s a little scary just to think about it. Change is always something you just can’t feel out in advance. You have to see what happens, each minute at a time.

Anyway. Radiohead is on again at my little coffeeshop, The Fresh Pot. Radiohead's been permeating my life for more than ten years now. There’s something peaceful and enduring about them. The sound makes me feel real, alive, whole, and enduring also. I’m ready for the next step.

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