How not to get to work on your bicycle

Eat a bunch of Corn Pops for dinner. With soy milk. Wonder if that cancels out the sugar.

Decide to do a trial bicycle run at 5:53PM. On a Friday.

Gear up. Pump tires. Talk with landlord Ernst. Get advice on route.

Take off down driveway. Second left, go uphill. The biggest hill ever.

Get to the top. Think you're going to puke. You do. Yes. Puke hill. Somewhat funny.

Turn right through forest. Road rapidly deteriorates into muddy, snowy mess.

But you've gone too far now, so carry on, hoping for a side street.

Continue on, walking bike through sketchy, snowy shit. Isn't it supposed to be spring?

Why did your landlord think this was a good way? On a road bike?

Finally reach real pavement again. Turn right. Know internally that you are going the right way.

See farmer grinding wood. Stop. Park bike in hedge.

Ask directions. You were going the wrong way.

Return to road and pedal. And pedal.

Finally T-intersection where you were told to turn left.

Up another hill.

Get to small town. Sign: 4km to Edelsfeld left or 4 km to Schlicht right.

Contemplate longer or shorter? Known or unknown?

Pick shorter unknown.

Wonder why you are out biking after running 20 miles yesterday.

Think that you were not planning for this big ride. With the farm smells wafting.

Think that you are going to die. Keep breathing. Keep pedaling.

Finally Edelsfeld. Left turn down very big hill.

Coast carefully. You promised yourself no more bike accidents.

Open garage, park. Upstairs, draw self hot bath and savor warmth.

Decide that next time you will just ride your bike on your car route.