Saturday, July 6, 2013

Independence & Abandonment

Sitting at the kitchen table in my towel, fresh from the shower. Washing away the worries.

A week of ups and downs. Justin is going to go home to Hatteras for a while in August. I thought a month, he thinks maybe two. I couldn't identify the feelings but crying seemed to be the result. Anytime it was quiet, my eyes were dripping. And we are supposed to close on a house but I will be alone.

I always said I would not buy a house again unless I was with someone else. It's a lot of work and a fair bit of stress and all the responsibility on one person's shoulders is a lot to hold. I'm quiet and scared and feel like running.

From the outside everything would look fine perhaps. Navigating a relationship is never easy. When you're beyond the twenties, it seems even harder yet, as we have evolved into independent persons.

I'm not upset with Justin for going home. I don't mind if he does. But sometimes I wonder how long it will take for him to extract himself from his family (if ever). In my mind, you chose a relationship and that person becomes your family. I love family, but they are the background, not the whole picture.

I'm not sure what to think.

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