Saturday, February 5, 2011

On change

"Change is not something that we should fear. Rather, it is something we should welcome. For without change, nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom, no one would ever move forward to become the person they're meant to be." - anonymous
I woke up this morning and the snow was gone. Like someone died. Not quite. But it was surprising. Brown grass, dirt-strewn sidewalks. Just a few days before, it was a blinding whiteness. This is to be expected with temperatures of +6.5C. I guess I'll scrap the plans for cross-country skiing this weekend. It is a little sad. But I must admit, I don't mind the warmer air. Years of living in mild climates will do that to you.
Change is something I generally like. New sights, ideas, learning. The unknown. I'm in the final seven months of my contract here. I don't know what's next. An extension? A move? Travel? Unemployment? All this unknown makes me feel a little like I'm holding my breath. I'll eventually hear whether I'm being extended in Germany for another 6 months or a year, and if so, I'll go through the process again. If not, then I'll move on to whatever is next. 
As much as I love change, being on the edge of it makes me understand why people love stability. It is easier. Less thinking. Less wondering. More just living. But I doubt I'll ever be content with that. It's not my nature. I always have one too many projects, one too many dreams for this life. It's not the sense of urgency or waste, it's just the way I am.
Pema Chodron says: "Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears." I try daily to embrace the uncertainty, even if it is hard, for it is a good part of what makes life worth living.

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