What a good job looks like in a wacked-up world.

My hand was hurting at work on Wednesday. I was talking to my assistants about it and they said, "Why don't you go to one of the doctors?" I never thought of it. I've had such shitty health insurance for so long, my method was just to wait it out. All of it. And try to home remedy everything. I think this is how most of the world lives. I have never gone without health insurance but I have not had anything that was good enough for me to go in and see someone (unless it was really bad).

So now I have six weeks vacation plus paid holidays. Actual sick leave. Health & dental insurance, disability, 401k, retirement. Insurance for my "domestic partner". Malpractice. Paid maternity leave. I could go on.

Simply, I have not had a good job since I left Kaiser, nor prior to working there. I think perhaps there are good jobs out there, but they are scarce these days in any field. Except maybe a few. I forgot how nice it was to have benefits.

Part of this makes me feel bad. I'm part of the "haves" for now. I have good pay and I have a lot of other good perks. I have enough pay to not have the other perks, yet plenty of people are scrimping by on crappy pay and then poor health insurance. It seems unfair. If you have a lot, you get more favors.

I realize I worked hard and went through many years of school. I took interesting jobs not for the pay but for the experience. I have been fortunate to come upon opportunities and have the ability to take them. So many things seem to just be by happenstance.

Today I had coffee with a work colleague. She's actually a new doctor for Kaiser. Graduated eight years after me, with over 200K in loans. How does a person make that work? I can't stop thinking about it since we talked. It's a mortgage payment in itself. What are we doing with our education system? I don't know. I'm just glad I went through school when I did, and that I have been lucky enough to have employment through all the skirmishes in the economy. I'm thankful not to be in my twenties just entering this crappy mess of a job market. Not that I trust that I have nothing to worry about. But I will be happy for now, day by day. If all else fails, we'll live in a van. :)

Sunday Night Musings

Sitting in the darkness, streetlight seeping through the crack in the curtains. Charlie's at the kitchen table with a singer-songwriter filling the air. Bailey snoozing on the doormat in his cardinal sweater. We awoke this morning to whirling outside, raindrops and wind chimes intertwined, softly nuzzling us awake from our dreams. Charlie dreaming a song, "Whatever makes you happy". Quickly written down before erased by morning memory. Tea and talking before we hopped in the Suburu to spy on open houses. Can we still be looking for a place? It's been forever since we started. Waiting for stability may never happen. Maybe we have to make it ourselves.

Tomorrow afternoon, orientation with Kaiser, as I've been switched from "at will" employment to "permanent". I wonder how much negotiating I will have to do- if what I've been told will actually be. I gathered information and sought advice from other docs, hoping I have the stamina and luck for things to turn out right. Thankful to be working. Surprised how it is all working out. What a small, strange world that I'll be working with my old coworker, Amber, from Germany, as she moves to Oregon in nine days and starts with Kaiser on the 27th.

We spent the weekend lolling about, mostly drinking tea and coffee and wandering through houses. Finally the weather has returned to the expected Northwestern winter - today in the 50's with rain dripping from the sky, the streets glistening, freshly rinsed off. We still had our hats on though not needed.

The clock is ticking. Life moves forward. Every day is quiet like the last. My patients fill me up. My Charlie is my rock at home. We have it good for now.

Oregon Parks Video from the 1950's

Sweet!

Christmas & New Year's Vacation, Portland Style, featuring Carrie, Drazen, Matt, Judy, Sara & Justin

Tofurky was so popular at Thanksgiving, we decided to welcome it for round two, as our Christmas Eve centerpiece. It turned out a little better last time around but everyone left with full bellies anyway.

Carrie and Drazen came over all the way from Northeast Portland!  

 Justin posing with Oatie the black-nosed reindeer.

 Bailey as the larger, more furry, reddish reindeer.

 Oatie take two. We doctored up some bells to make his day more merry. I'm not sure he appreciated it.

 We inadvertently dressed as twins, which was pretty cool. Nothing wrong with twin sisters even in your thirties! 

 Bailey was looking for some food hidden in the boxes. There was chocolate for sure, but he didn't get that. Well truthfully here he was trying to open his own present. I've seen him do this in years past quite quickly but this year, age was catching up and we had to help him.

 One of the people in Portland who has extra money to burn at Christmas (on NE 28th Ave near Sandy). 

 Justin as the "Christmas Light Chauffeur".

 Judy and Matt in the backseat, in Christmas Light Ecstasy.

 It's a selfie of the photodocumentor.

 Vegan food at Canteen, an amazing place at SE 28th and Stark

A secret picture of Matt.

 Matt took this of me being normal again.

 The lights at Canteen.

 The pretty lady behind the counter.

Our tasty raw maple pecan cheezecake. 

 And to All a Good Night! 

 Peacock Lane. A street in Portland which has been lit up since the 1930s.

 New Year's Even at the Portland Symphony. Ode to Joy! 

 At the end of the night, they sang Auld Lang Syne and dropped balloons.

My Charlie. 

 With an awesome Thunderbird!

And to all a good night and HAPPY 2014!!!!!

Wrapping up 2013: Reflections on my Journey around the World and back to Portland

I'm looking forward to the new year. If nothing else, for the switch to an even year. I've always disliked odd numbers for some reason. Even feels fresh and clear (and easily divisible).

Today I picked up my last check from Costco. I chatted with some of my old coworkers and looked around, thinking that it was a nice place for a while, but I won't miss the shopping carts. It wasn't the easiest decision to leave. For a year, I was never tired, not much stressed, but then also didn't have to think a whole lot either. It was a short term job for me, and it was time to move on.

I've been wondering if it was time to move on from my blog. I haven't had a lot to say lately, and it feels like I've completed my journey. Nearly seven years ago, I started writing this blog after I'd plodded away at life, following the recommended course of university-- work-- car-- house. I was only missing the husband and children. At the time my life was on repeat every day, and I was waking up with severe depression, even though I appeared to almost have it all. I'd felt the need to take an extreme step, to disrupt my life and try to wake up from the stupor I was in. For years, I had read books about my idea to move overseas and travel. Finally accomplishing that dream was pretty unbelievable. Even now, sometimes I wonder, "Did I really do that?"

When I left Portland, I had thought it was forever. I never wanted to return. I was tired of the hipsters and the perfect aesthetics, and all the coffee shops and whatnot. It was all so boring. I thought I was done with the Northwest, never to return. I wasn't in love anymore. So it was with some surprise that I ended up back here again, and back in my same job. I felt Portland deserved and needed to be reconsidered, and my former job as well. It was not without trepidation that I entered into these familiar surroundings. The anxieties of past ghosts. Wondering if I would repeat my misery.

But, one year has passed since I returned and I feel like I have made the right choice. And that the five years away was not for naught. It was an important, albeit non direct route, to the place that I am today. Which is contentment. I think this is partly due to the age that I am now, and partly to the life experiences of which I've partaken, and also due to the stability of Justin in my life.

It is not as if I don't still ask the questions. But then I realize, I have it pretty good. There is no perfect person or job or city. But where I am now (with Justin and Portland and Kaiser) is like an old shoe that fits day after day- calming and quiet and supportive. Life is good.