I'm getting ready to go back to work. I laid out my outfit yesterday. I made a list of instructions for Justin and Margaret for tomorrow. Thursday you'll try out daycare. I'm excited for adult interaction but I can't help but have some tears slipping out at the thought of leaving you guys.
I love you so much.
I know it will be okay.
I can't believe a year ago, you were just two little starts in my tummy. I didn't even know you were there yet. What magic I had in store. I had no idea and never would've dreamed of you both.
I've treasured this time with you and I'm thankful that Kaiser was so generous to let me take off eighteen weeks instead of just twelve.
Keith, tonight you cried in the crib a while until I finished nursing Lauren. After she was by your side within a few minutes you calmed down and let your eyes finally sink shut. You're a gentle spirit with big hands that you love to intertwine together on your tummy or place over your sister's littler hands. You laugh all the time and every square inch of you is ticklish. Even under your neck. You love being thrown up into the air. You squeal with delight and chatter when you wake up or are laying in the living room in your diapers only. You love laying your head on my left shoulder and walking around with one arm around my arm and one hanging down next to me. You're so happy when you're happy. Your smile lights up the room and your eyes twinkle with mirth. You love our funny faces. You're a big boy and so sweet. You love to sit in my lap when I'm cross-legged on the floor. You are so strong it's crazy - you've been like that since birth.
Lauren, you love to be with and touch your big brother. Your hand is on his shoulder, or his thigh or his head, or arm anytime you're within reach. You smile all the time even when we least expect it. You love looking at people and taking in the world around you. You're such a little observer, we think you understand everything. You've started sucking your thumb and can calm yourself down. You've slept 11 hours straight! This morning you rolled over. Your legs are so strong you can almost stand up. When we make funny faces you think it's hilarious and you laugh when I do patty cake with you. You click your tongue and love it when we make quirky mouth noises. Recently you started talking like a crazy lady. When your brother cries, you often start to coo and turn your head toward him like you're trying to tell him, "It's okay." You love to lay on my chest with your head under my chin. You wrap your little hand around my back when you're nursing and hold on with the other around the front. You are such a little sweetheart.
In the mornings you guys wake up together in the crib, talking and squealing and cooing. I wander in after about fifteen minutes. You smile and smile- so happy to see me. Even if I'm tired, I can push it aside in a second after seeing your faces, so sweet and sunny and happy. It's my favorite time of day.
With sunlight streaming through the windows, we get up and play on the floor and change diapers and then nurse or maybe read a book in the rocking chair. You play for a while and then take a nap in the crib after an hour or two. The nap doesn't always go well, but we're working on it.
These last four months have been an unimaginable journey. The glimpses I've gotten into your twin universe melt my heart and I know I'll never fully understand your special connection. I hope it's something that carries you both along as you make your way through this bumpy path that is life. I know there'll be times when you get mad at each other but I hope your love will connect you always.
You are growing up and I am growing with you.