I walked around all day after hearing that rolling it around in my head, holding it in my heart, thinking, "I take risks". "I'm a risk-taker." "I think I am." "I'm so surprised."
No one has ever said that to me.
Here I was thinking I was a sturdy boring person all these years, doing the right thing and what was expected. Well, not exactly. But I've never thought of myself as a risk taker. Risk takers are people who go skiing on double black diamonds or people who kiteboard over the ocean or people who quit their jobs and travel with nothing, starting a new life.
I think I've grown a couple inches in size since that compliment.
This Wednesday, I had a review with Kaiser. It was my one year "Senior Review", something that usually occurs after three years of employment, but when you take a hiatus or move regions, they have you do a one year of probation and decide whether to make you permanent.
This past year was a roller-coaster of emotions as I returned. For the most part, it was very positive. The Kaiser family is so much love. The patient care was so much better than anywhere I worked. It finally made sense again. I was learning again, which was a great joy and relief.
But it wasn't easy. It took a lot of relearning. I felt slow. I wondered if I was smart enough. I covered clinics all over the region, driving in my car. After bike commuting for a year, this was a harsh change. Working full time with a heavy patient load was exhausting at times.
So I was a little anxious about my review. I wondered what they would say. I wondered what I'd be told I needed to fix.
I won't summarize it here, but it was the nicest review I've ever had. And, it was a different experience than the last time I was at Kaiser. I'm hopeful for the future.