Thursday, April 11, 2013

Night thoughts

Pounding bass. I'm falling asleep. This is something I didn't imagine when I was younger- napping at a rock concert. But then somewhere along the line, I slid into my late thirties and here I am wishing for a blanket to crawl under. But who am I kidding? I was the person to fall asleep and get kicked out of the bar in optometry school, too tired those late nights out and never able to handle my liquor.

The last few days skittered along, a series of events reminding me what life is about. It's constantly on my mind, the randomness of life. Everything reminds me of it.

My cousin's nine year old daughter Kayleen was sent home from the hospital. To die. The treatments have failed. I don't understand how this can be. I keep imagining her playing in the yard. Riding her bike. Her parents watching out the window. Wondering how they can even breathe knowing she is dying. It makes no sense. Tears drip out of my eyes when I try to imagine. I can't.


The day after Kayleen was sent home, my cousin's wife Amy got another clean MRI after having a brain tumor removed. She had something like a ten percent chance of survival when diagnosed at 33. She's now 37. Same age as me.
Amy & Chris

Who decides who makes it or not? It seems so random. There is no answer.

Then the most happy news: my sister Molly had her third daughter, Hazel Rose, yesterday. Named after grandma Hazel and Molly Rose. She was perfect and came the day before Molly was to be induced. Three girls. Just like us. Three sisters. I'm so thankful for mine. Joy at a safe delivery. Happiness and excitement.

And so the world keeps spinning. Life goes on. It doesn't really make sense. None of it. But I guess we are here to give it our best shot and be as loving as we can. I take it for granted. But I know how precious and short and unpredictable this life is.

Hazel Rose!

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