What a good job looks like in a wacked-up world.

My hand was hurting at work on Wednesday. I was talking to my assistants about it and they said, "Why don't you go to one of the doctors?" I never thought of it. I've had such shitty health insurance for so long, my method was just to wait it out. All of it. And try to home remedy everything. I think this is how most of the world lives. I have never gone without health insurance but I have not had anything that was good enough for me to go in and see someone (unless it was really bad).

So now I have six weeks vacation plus paid holidays. Actual sick leave. Health & dental insurance, disability, 401k, retirement. Insurance for my "domestic partner". Malpractice. Paid maternity leave. I could go on.

Simply, I have not had a good job since I left Kaiser, nor prior to working there. I think perhaps there are good jobs out there, but they are scarce these days in any field. Except maybe a few. I forgot how nice it was to have benefits.

Part of this makes me feel bad. I'm part of the "haves" for now. I have good pay and I have a lot of other good perks. I have enough pay to not have the other perks, yet plenty of people are scrimping by on crappy pay and then poor health insurance. It seems unfair. If you have a lot, you get more favors.

I realize I worked hard and went through many years of school. I took interesting jobs not for the pay but for the experience. I have been fortunate to come upon opportunities and have the ability to take them. So many things seem to just be by happenstance.

Today I had coffee with a work colleague. She's actually a new doctor for Kaiser. Graduated eight years after me, with over 200K in loans. How does a person make that work? I can't stop thinking about it since we talked. It's a mortgage payment in itself. What are we doing with our education system? I don't know. I'm just glad I went through school when I did, and that I have been lucky enough to have employment through all the skirmishes in the economy. I'm thankful not to be in my twenties just entering this crappy mess of a job market. Not that I trust that I have nothing to worry about. But I will be happy for now, day by day. If all else fails, we'll live in a van. :)

What's important

My Niece, Claire:

Christmas is around the corner. And then Virginia.

I'm ready to hit the road. This week's been encompassed with preparations: car check, packing, a physical, hunting for a beach rental. It's starting to fall into place.

I'm thankful for this in-between job. Three months to try out the VA system. Three months to re-acclimate to US life-work conditions. Returning stateside has brought a plethora of experiences. I haven't thought much about the adjustment until periodically I notice something that trips me up. Examples: ground floor vs first floor (overseas first floor is ground), portion sizes of food, airplane carry-on bags... consumerism.

Mostly, I'm thankful for my time with my family. For the career which has given me flexibility. For my mom (and everyone else) who has taken me in since I returned stateside in August. For the ability to have a full life filled with love.

I'm convinced that we are here to share ourselves and share love. I hope the holidays remind us all how lucky we are to be together in this life.

Ella Fitzgerald Wednesday

[Moon ray, cast a spell on my lover.]

Barely awake, propped up at my desk. Pretending to be coherent.

I've already seen my first patient, sipped espresso at the bakery, watched people while writing, and now here. Hiding quietly. Feeling like I'm between worlds, at work. It's peaceful. I should be so lucky.

Something about the old recordings, piano lilting. Big band. Crackles interspersed among the sounds.

I've been sleeping like a rock these past two days. This morning, I didn't even know where I was. Then remembered, Germany. That's a good sleep.

Today the cows were lounging on the side of the road in the grass next to the river with steam rising. I pass the river each day on the way into work, a part of my day that'll be forever etched in my memory. Bavarian countryside, waking up.

Just like me right now.

[Stars shining bright above you. Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you". Birds singing in the sycamore tree. Dream a little dream of me.]

Freitag... auf dem Heimweg

Ich weiß, was wurde ich tun nachstes wochenende!

Hoffentlich werde der Truck nicht mein Auto zertrümmern.

Ich war sehr müde. Etwa 250 Patienten über 7.5 tagen.



Translation:
Friday... on the way home.

I know what I am doing next weekend.
Hopefully the truck won't smash my car.
I was very tired. Approximately 250 patients over 7.5 days.

Regeneration and movement

Two days of work in Katterbach and an overnight in Army lodging provided regeneration in many ways. Wednesday morning after navigating icy roads and Nuremberg traffic jams, I arrived to my little basement office with two male technicians, both medics, and a friendly Tricare neighbor, Arlet (a she), whose office I kept trying to enter rather than my own when I was trying to get back to my exam lane.

My staff invited me out to a "Hail and Farewell" for people coming and going from the Katterbach clinic. It was an Italian Buffet for 13 Euros, not exactly what I look for, but it was fun and good get out and meet new people, as well as observe a funny form of Army-ness--- I was even introduced as the helper interim optometrist. Katterbach's optometrist recently deployed and the new one won't be in place for about two months, so two of us are covering the location for now.

Snow reigned supreme the last two days, but it didn't really affect my drive, as it seemed to be in Katterbach town and then again when I got back to Weissenberg, but not so much in between. Spending time in my car allows relaxation and thought mingling. Two good things.

This weekend's a three day weekend, and I'm headed to Budapest, Hungary. My plan is to drive to Budapest, spend three nights in Bellevue B&B (run by two retired economists who worked four years in Canada aka perfect English), then Monday drive back through Bratislava, Slovakia. I'm following the advice of Rick Steves' Eastern Europe on this trip. I'm looking forward to a few quiet days in my room which has a balcony overlooking the Danube and Parliament. Public baths are also a big thing there, so I've packed my suit.

Love to all on Valentine's Day weekend.

I've been quiet this week

After a decent day at work, I came home and spent tonight sewing and drawing and listening to music… feeling like I was in a little bubble in my room above the garage.

I thought I might give you a glimpse of a normal week for me:

Last Friday, I met up with a crew downtown after work for a drink and got a salad with four pieces of lettuce for $8. Good thing I have a little extra body fat to get me along. I made some new friends, mostly Canadians (maybe I’m destined to move there someday after all).

Saturday was Pasifika, which is a cultural festival of the Polynesian Islands (Fiji, Samoa, Cook Islands, Tahiti, Tonga, etc). It’s mostly just a lot of food booths. I’d planned to meet Ursula and crew but they kept having car troubles, so I ended up soloing it. The highlight of the day was the fresh cold coconut water that I drank out of the shell under the shade of a tree in Tonga and the opera music. (Don’t ask.)

The following day (Sunday), I took a bus north of town to Long Bay, stopping at Takupuna on the way to check out their flea/farmers/craft market. Once at Long Bay, I started out the afternoon with a fantastic salad and coffee on the deck of a restaurant overlooking the ocean. I sat under an umbrella, munching and journaling with the din of conversation, ocean waves and Norah Jones in the background. It felt a little like heaven. After lunch, I hiked along the coast trail for some great views. I didn’t take my camera, deliberately. I just wanted to enjoy myself. I did. After suffering the effects of the heat, I felt like taking a swim- the water was warm. But I hadn’t brought a suit. I came upon a nude beach… figured may as well see what it was like. It was fine.

Monday I went to my first Spanish class. I wasn’t overjoyed with it- it lacked structure (the woman who teaches it is a psychologist). I wished I were in German or French. I really don’t have the drive to learn Spanish, but I think it’s a practical choice. Sometimes practical is not the choice of your heart. I’d originally signed up for French but switched, because I couldn’t really justify it. Later, I started to read my “Africa on a Shoestring” book and realized lots of countries in Africa have French as one of their national languages. So I could have taken it after all! (By the way if I go to Egypt someday, Ross, you are welcome to join me.)

Monday night after class, I got ambitious and hung up a mosquito net. I was tiring of 6-20 new mosquito bites every morning. In the middle of the night, I was attacked by a falling mosquito net! I am destined to be a red-spotted girl.

Tuesday eve I attended a University lecture, entitled, “The uses of the university revisited” by Sheldon Rothblatt, a professor emeritus from UC Berkeley. I was expecting some sort of discussion of modern universities and their place in society. Instead I got a review of the history of the University of Auckland. I was disappointed and decided I wouldn’t attend his other two lectures in the series. After a little refection, I realized that he was a history professor and he gave a history lecture. I should not have been surprised. (No hard feelings.)

Wednesday after work, I walked to Fraser’s to meet Michelle, my Canadian friend who I met my third day in Auckland. She’s returning to Canada for a while, while waiting for Papua New Guinea to decide whether they are going to grant her a research visa- she’s been waiting ten months already and her whole PhD is hinging on this. Stressful.

After that, I walked to an Irish pub in town to meet up with Ursula, Nick and her sister Hannah (who's also moved here now from the UK) and listen to open mic singer songwriters. I beat them there so stood and chatted with some folks at the bar who immediately asked, “Which part of Canada are you from?” It seems I have an indelible Canadian accent. Of course, I answer, "North Dakota, Canada’s left testicle." Ha.

That puts me at tonight. Reflecting on the week. Thinking about the weekend and where I’ve come so far.

Two months in New Zealand. Two months of students.

I’m still not in love with optometry. My students are mostly rewarding though. It’s hard to believe that they are all about 10 years younger than me. I’ve got some good friends on staff- Ursula and another woman, Anny- both are sharp-minded and energetic women.

I think the remainder of the staff probably underestimates me. It bothered me a little for a while but I decided then I could just do what I want. It’s not really any different than any other time in my life. All the people who didn’t think I could do it… starting back in first grade when I was in the bottom reading group, to university when they didn’t think I could get thru calculus (even though I’d already done calc I & II with As) to my final year of optometry school when my advisor told me he thought I’d never opened a book and didn’t know anything… it just continues. But the positive about people thinking the least of you is that you can surprise them since they have no expectations.

This week I decided I was going to use my downtime productively to think about what I’m doing and where I want to go and then work on my own goals. No sense sitting here treading water.

Next weekend for Easter, I’m headed to the Cook Islands. I read they have snorkeling and relaxation. I’ve reserved a hostel on the beach. Watch for the next update.

Until then, peace to you.

“If you wish to see others smile,
Smile first.”