What a good job looks like in a wacked-up world.

My hand was hurting at work on Wednesday. I was talking to my assistants about it and they said, "Why don't you go to one of the doctors?" I never thought of it. I've had such shitty health insurance for so long, my method was just to wait it out. All of it. And try to home remedy everything. I think this is how most of the world lives. I have never gone without health insurance but I have not had anything that was good enough for me to go in and see someone (unless it was really bad).

So now I have six weeks vacation plus paid holidays. Actual sick leave. Health & dental insurance, disability, 401k, retirement. Insurance for my "domestic partner". Malpractice. Paid maternity leave. I could go on.

Simply, I have not had a good job since I left Kaiser, nor prior to working there. I think perhaps there are good jobs out there, but they are scarce these days in any field. Except maybe a few. I forgot how nice it was to have benefits.

Part of this makes me feel bad. I'm part of the "haves" for now. I have good pay and I have a lot of other good perks. I have enough pay to not have the other perks, yet plenty of people are scrimping by on crappy pay and then poor health insurance. It seems unfair. If you have a lot, you get more favors.

I realize I worked hard and went through many years of school. I took interesting jobs not for the pay but for the experience. I have been fortunate to come upon opportunities and have the ability to take them. So many things seem to just be by happenstance.

Today I had coffee with a work colleague. She's actually a new doctor for Kaiser. Graduated eight years after me, with over 200K in loans. How does a person make that work? I can't stop thinking about it since we talked. It's a mortgage payment in itself. What are we doing with our education system? I don't know. I'm just glad I went through school when I did, and that I have been lucky enough to have employment through all the skirmishes in the economy. I'm thankful not to be in my twenties just entering this crappy mess of a job market. Not that I trust that I have nothing to worry about. But I will be happy for now, day by day. If all else fails, we'll live in a van. :)

First snow

Drizzling rain turns into an Iowa snow globe

While we sip whiskeys by the window.
Good acoustics, I said.

I judge restaurants on sound quality.
Hushed murmurs, a fuzzy welcoming blanket

Inviting conversation & calm.

Anything else, jarring & cold.

Days on the computer, digging in files.

The data needed to achieve employment.

I think, I am not going to do this again.

I hope I love the VA.

Disorganized boxes stifle me, and I think

I understand why people never move.

It is not going to get better any time soon.

But I'm home for Christmas

And that is good enough.

Midnight thoughts, and good news

It's after midnight and I'm in bed. I can't stop reading the news lately.

The police violence associated with the OWS movement really bothers me deep in my heart.

It matters not that they are liberal or conservative or otherwise. It matters that they are people. Americans. Who have freedom of speech and assembly, and who should not be arrested for standing on a sidewalk. Or beaten for sitting on the grass.

For the photos are around on the internet, documenting people sleeping in tents for Black Friday or for concert tickets, or even when Apple came out with the iPhone the first time around.

I just can't get my mind around it.

I read a while back, "In the Garden of Beasts" by Erik Larson. A semi-biographical novel from the American Ambassador Dodd's perspective on the eve of WW2. I wonder what the correlations are between our time and theirs.

I wonder why we would not stand up for our fellow citizens, whether they shared our beliefs or not. I wonder how we can stand by and let things happen.

But then we have been doing this a long time. Everyone is separate in their own separate homes. Walled off with fences and curtains and security systems. Insular in our perfect families and perfect lives. Saving ourselves above all else.

When will we learn that giving is receiving? That our neighbors are ourselves? That things are not happiness. People are happiness. Life is happiness.

Security. Building up a bank account, and walls around us. When it could all go down in an instant. Just a misstep in time, place, of luck and life is forever changed. The only true sense of security is a false one.

Anyway. I just hope you can take this Thanksgiving and holiday season to look with love on everyone. To stand up for the little ones. To stand up for inequality. To stand up for your rights as Americans (or citizens of the world). For your children. And grandchildren.

My time for loafing with family and pondering the messes in the world will soon be limited. As I have good news: I was offered a job with the Virginia Beach Veterans Hospital, covering maternity leave, starting January 1st through March 31. I'll be avoiding the winters, and keeping myself busy. I welcome vistors any time. So drop me a line and drop in.

Smearing sunsets, living life

(Hiding in the trees of Colorado)

I've taken up running again, at the little community center down the street. It's free for North Liberty residents and I relish my time there, where my feet carry me in circles, untwisting the thoughts in my mind, bringing clarity to my life situation. The days smear together, one sunset to the next. Only when the Sunday New York Times headlines are delivered to my inbox am I certain of the day of the week.

I've been quietly existing since returning from Colorado: time with nieces, a craft show with Molly, and cleaning the garage with my mom. When you've been overseas, there's an interruption in normal family time. In reality, the American life is a disruptive to family time. So this time here with family is especially important.

The job hunt is like molasses right now, sticky and slow and not much moving... I have a couple leads on temporary positions that would work well while I wait for something more permanent to come along.

In life, I've been contemplating the oddities of our existence. I know I shouldn't really waste time on this- I should really just live my life and enjoy myself, but sometimes late at night, when it is dark and quiet and I'm alone, it all seems very strange.

So I am happy for this time with my family in the quiet of Iowa. There is something about a small town with a big sky that brings mental peace. Driving down highway 965, the pleasure of no traffic hits me daily, and I think how I love Iowa and how surprising it is. Then I remember I loved the tiny village where I lived in Germany. I loved the regular people in the Army. I loved a lot of things I wouldn't have guessed: anatomy, physics... Oatie. And I've not loved a lot of things that I would have guessed. So, I guess you just have to go along through life, feeling your way, paying attention, trusting your gut instinct, and being true to yourself.

(Living out loud with Molly's girls)

Discovery: Job hunting is like trip planning!

In the past few weeks, I've scoured the internet, skimming and diving into websites posting possible future employment. In the beginning I had to get my bearings, discovering which sites held truly viable leads versus those which were only trying to sneak my from my pocket for a glimpse at their listings. It felt overwhelming at times, but I carried on.

Like planning a trip, choosing a job and new locale involves planning and adjustment on a multitude of levels until the details gel into a vision that becomes reality. Of course, it'll be a reality that's different from the one imagined, but nonetheless, the planning gets you there.

I noticed growing excitement and anticipation as I conducted my job search, wondering where I might end up. What type of practice and mixes of personalities and specialties? It felt like I was in university again, perusing my college catalog, figuring which classes were needed for each major, dreaming of the possibilities, which felt endless and breathtaking. To re-evoke those feelings is a gift and a surprise, hopefully again ending in a situation which provides challenges and new experiences.

Please fix me

I spoke with a doctor in the states today about a posting for an associate optometrist. It was apparent from the start of the call that he wasn't really interested, but we continued the conversation since it had been started. In the end, he was really looking for someone who was married, maybe with kids, who'd want to settle down and become part of the community. He said that.

I don't know why a single person is considered such a reliability risk and a single woman even a worse risk. I guess she's likely to get married and knocked up and move away, since women always just do what their husbands want. I'd like to have someone conduct a study and note whether single people do, in fact move more, stray from jobs sooner, or suddenly become impregnated by artificial insemination when they'd not even been thinking of it.

I'd say that we single people are the number one nemesis of planet earth. If we weren't all wandering the world, flying on planes, trying to find ourselves, would there truly be global warming? Nah. It's our fault!

What else is our fault? Too much drinking and tottering home to buy McDonald's in the middle of the night. I hazard a guess that's probably keeping those fast-food joints open and contributing immensely to the rising global obesity rates.

I'm going to keep thinking here.

I'm tired of the world pointing a finger at me because I'm not married. It's been going on since I became single at the age of 28. Years of people telling me, Mr. Perfect will be the next one through the door. Don't worry, you can always adopt. How come you're not married? As if I have a disease to be cured.

That is the end of the rant. There is nothing (drastically) wrong with me that needs to be fixed, other than my haircut. Hah.