In Favor of Real Connection.

Not that I haven't threatened to do this before. But this time I actually did it.

I deactivated my facebook account.

I'm tired of the endless hours of useless information. Like what car my coworker bought. Or a photo of friends dressed up on vacation in Mexico. Or an anti-vaccine muse. Or anything really. Does it add any substance to my life? It seems no different than spending hours watching TV reruns.

We kid ourselves that this is real connection.

On Sunday morning, I had breakfast with one of my old friends who I haven't seen in about six months. Both of us encumbered by work and other personal dramas led to the big gap in connection.

I rolled out of bed early, slipped into my rainpants and rainjacket and rolled down the streets. Which on a Sunday morning were silent as the night. The light drizzle was enough to warrant the rain gear but not enought to be any sort of problem. I thought, "This is my church."

We met up at a small wooody Scandinavian place in North Portland. I was a little anxious about the possibility of feeding a vegetarian in Northern European cuisine. I remember Norway as one of the least vegetarian friendly countries in the world. But I ended up with a traditional Finnish porridge with homemade applesauce and potato pancake. Both perfect. And filling enough.

We sat for hours talking over our breakfasts.

I was worried they would kick us out of our table. But no one said a word.

The in person connection doesn't resemble social media in the least.

We left feeling filled up. And joyous at our breakfast together. Saying, "We have to do this in a month again."

I thought of all the times I felt like I was too busy to meet with someone. How I needed to stay home and have time to myself.

I think what we really need- what we really crave- is true connection.

So, I hereby start my social media hiatus. In favor of life with real people in real time.

Swirling and going nowhere

Attempted to quit Facebook. Failed. Realised it was too intertwined with my knowledge of local events, business meetings and social connections. Instead, I've increased the list of people who I am "hiding" and unliked some organizations. Probably need to also reduce the total friends list again, but that is a lot of work for another day.

I took out my sweet orange road bike, newly re-arrived to Oregon by Kathy-Chuck delivery. Flying down the streets with barely an effort, I forgot how smooth and tight and fast she rides. And the beauty of the orange and aqua perfectly fit in with the orange leaves and blue skies of today. I really was happy.

I'd been planning to go to continuing education Thursday and Friday in Seattle (but had not yet registered). As the date loomed nearer, I was wondering if I'd overscheduled myself, seeing as I have to work tomorrow and Saturday and Seattle is about a three hour drive (if you don't get stuck in the traffic jam). I'm a hateful, despising, despairing driver, especially on the I-5 between here and Seattle.

So today a house came on the market that I might make an offer on, and I ended up back in the trenches of applying for financing (they had deleted my prior application). I was supposedly able to re-submit the application and achieve a new letter today from the lender, but have since run into more glitches. I'm starting to think I should just live in a damn van. Maybe one of those big-ass conversion vans painted some putrid color. At least I could buy it outright without a bidding war, or the anxiety it takes to procure a house. At this point, I feel rather hopeless. It was never this hard the last three times I bought a house. I am starting to hate the idea of homeownership. The whole thing gives me enough anxiety to stay awake for days on end. It's all a big nightmare.

I'm looking forward to a vacation in my mom's basement and finally sleeping with Charlie again... Just the simple things.