inspired adventurer: Motherhood: 6 Weeks

"A mother's body against a child's body makes a place. It says you are here. Without this body against your body there is no place. I envy people who miss their mother. Or miss a place or know something called home." - Eve Ensler, In the Body of the World.

Silent but for the birds squawking outside and a hush of a breath from sweet Lauren cozied up in my lap, sleepy after her morning breakfast. Keith is back in the bedroom, secure in his rock and play bassinet that we keep next to our bed. He was the early riser today and snuggled into my arms while I ate two bowls of peanut butter cereal for breakfast. We looked out the window at the park. I'm an expert at making an Americano with a baby in my arms. (And picking up and holding two babies in any order, in any location, for any reason.)

Both of you are becoming more alert. You self-entertain so well, laying on the floor for an hour or two each day together or alone, depending on your moods. Mostly steering your eyes around the room, looking in wonder (I think) at the standard objects that populate our tiny house. Often it's the fan on the ceiling (yes it needs cleaning, little ones!) or the pictures on the way (that is your crazy grandma Kathy standing with the bearded men in the tutus).

Occasionally a smile escapes your little mouths that appears to be reactionary, but as of yet, I don't think you really know how to control it. Laughter and smiles punctuate the breathing noises of a good nap. I wonder if you are dreaming of milk or mommy or daddy or what. If only I could know what you think. I can't help but wonder what the future brings when we can share words.

We're fortunate for now-you're both pretty easy to soothe and sweet little babies. When things seem most out of control, I'll wrap you both in a little fleece blanket and pile you into my arms together. The three of us as one again, and you both quiet right down. Mommy's getting very strong arms these days.

Mornings are my favorite. After a night of sleep (no matter how little), the delusions of exhaustion depart from my system, and I'm able to start anew a day of drifting around with my little ones. It's a full time job, fulfilling for at least 95% of the time, only in the evening when I'm tired and patience is waning that I wish for some reprieve.

Often I think, "I can't believe I have two infants." But then I can't imagine not having one of you. All those years where I proclaimed I didn't want children, and now here I am with you two little sweet peas. I never knew what I thought I didn't want would be so good.

So six weeks down, and twelve weeks to go on my maternity leave. I'm thankful we're only at the one-third mark and not the halfway mark into the leave. I don't want to think about going back to work and leaving you at home with someone else. But for two or three days a week, I can do it. It might even make me a better mama.

"Super mama," people call me when I'm out and about with the two of you alone. Almost every day we go for a one to two hour stroller ride, to the grocery store or Extracto coffee. Sometimes it's in the car to the doctor or Target. I don't feel super or better or anything. I'm just doing what I have to do, and what I love to do. Which is to take care of and love you as much as I can. We are having a great time together, the three of us. Those mamas who have more kids than me or twins and other kids, they seem like the ones who need a reward. But I appreciate the kudos- it lifts me up.

So six weeks you've been here with us. What a delight it's been (except for week three which was pretty tough!) I'm so happy you were freed from my tummy so we could meet and grow together.