Bonnaroo

"Is he a farmer?" the man in the RV from Nebraska in the Walmart parking lot asked me. Referring to Justin, with the John Deere hat on his head. "No," I explained, "We just have a John Deere fetish." The Nebraska man grows soybeans and corn, and was returning home from Florida.

On my recent trip back to Iowa, I returned with my John Deere fleece blanket, which is now inside the camper. We've since relocated the camper to the VIP camping section of Bonnaroo in Manchester, TN, about a 13 hour drive from the Outer Banks. Nice people surround us, and I feel lucky to be here with this guy who I met six months ago, never dreaming that I would be at a festival waiting to see Radiohead, whose tour dates I've watched for the last ten years.

On the road again... to Tennessee this time.

 We're not the only ones Bonnaroo Bound...

 Manchester: We're in the mirror.

 I found Justin's creations in the Bonnaroo Guide: Blue ladies pyramid sweatshirt, and campy green tee. Pretty damn cool.

Eating lunch

Tasteless chewing

Greens & almonds & parmesan

Thick air surrounds me

I cannot breathe

Guitar wafting

Engines pass

Dragging cars

Down the road

Not unlike us

The feet keep moving

Head spinning behind

Trying to keep up

Where am I going

Nowhere

Anywhere

Nauseous

Heart racing

Fighting for what

I have no idea

June

Trees 

blue 

bikes

& you

is all I need.

"Summertime and the livin' is easy"

Asking the wrong questions

"What screws us up in life is the picture in our head of how it is suppose to be."

I've been sitting here evaluating job offers, potential positions, & locations for work. Most of my figuring has been surrounding money. Calculating and recalculating the possibilities, as if figures on paper will suddenly create an answer and make sense of my circumstances. (I've had a lifelong infatuation with math & algebra, so this explains some of it.)

I realized I'm asking the wrong questions. I'm evaluating everything based on money, but where is that in relation to my life values? I need enough to live. Enough to pay the bills. Enough to stay out of my savings. But what after that? Is more really better?

What if I worked enough to travel here (at home, in the USA) through education, friendships, love & family? Most American jobs offer two weeks leave, including sick time, a pittance of an offer in relation to what I give up in return: 40+ hours in a windowless office, repeating the same lines over and over. I'm not saying that everyone has to love their job, but the ratio of time working to time living is out of sync.

I've done well in the last four years choosing lifestyle over stability- I just need to stay on that path and keep marching forward. I'm going to keep striving for the stars and trusting in the universe, moving toward openings, and living life.

"This was better than I imagined I could do." 

Five Year Plans

Potential employer's favorite question:

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" 

My answer: 

"Well, think back five years ago- where did you think you'd be? How much of your plans for your future were correct?" (I don't actually say this out loud but maybe one day when I'm bold, I will.)

Five years ago I was 30-31. Working at Kaiser. Owning a $350k house, a car, contributing to a 401k, paying off student loans. Dating casually. Living in Portland. Five year plan probably included more of the same. 

So now, I'm in Iowa (or really, North Carolina). Between jobs. Having worked overseas for 4 years. Visited about 20-30 countries in the interim period. Paid off all student loans. No debts. No kids. No husband. But a nice boyfriend. 

Never would have guessed any of that. 

So in five years, where will I be? I have no idea. 

I hope I am happy. That is all.

Dream world: A nice little cottage with a garden. A kitchen. A place to ride my bike. Someone to wake up with when the sunlight streams in the window and fall asleep next to when the light from the moon drips over our bodies. Fresh vegetables. Time for art & music. Freedom of movement. What else is there?